The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

According to church founder bobby Henderson, the universe and all life within it were created by a mystical and divine being: the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Do not be hypocritical. Allow equal time for other alternative ‘theories’ like FSMism, which is by far the tastier choice. J. Simon, Ph. D. In my scientific opinion, when comparing the two theories, FSM theory seems to be more valid than classic ID theory.

Afshin Beheshti, Ph. D. Read the book and decide for yourself!From the Trade Paperback edition. Pastafarians? some say it’s the assuring touch from the FSM’s “noodly appendage. Then there are those who love the worship service, which is conducted in pirate talk and attended by congregants in dashing buccaneer garb.

What drives the FSM’s devout followers, a. K. A. Can i get a “ramen” from the congregation?!behold the church of the flying Spaghetti Monster FSM, today’s fastest growing carbohydrate-based religion. Still others are drawn to the church’s flimsy moral standards, religious holidays every Friday, or the fact that Pastafarian heaven is way cooler: Does your heaven have a Stripper Factory and a Beer Volcano? Intelligent Design has finally met its match–and it has nothing to do with apes or the Olive Garden of Eden.

Within these pages, science “only a lot of theories”, and whether we’re really descended from apes fact: Humans share 95 percent of their DNA with chimpanzees, Bobby Henderson outlines the true facts– dispelling such malicious myths as evolution “only a theory”, but they share 99.

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Anonymous Rex: A Detective Story The Dinosaur Mafia Mysteries

Would be even weirder than it is now. Dave barryvincent rubio, a Los Angeles private investigator, is down on his luck: He's out of work. Vincent is a dinosaur--a Velociraptor, to be precise. His partner has died under mysterious circumstances. A heightened sense of smell allows the dinos to detect one another--Vincent's got an odor like a tasty Cuban cigar.

When vincent is called to investigate a two-bit case of arson at a hip dino nightclub, he discovers something much more sinister, which lures him back to New York City--the scene of his partner's death and a dangerous nexus of dinosaur and human intermingling. Will vincent solve the mystery of his partner's death? will a gorgeous blond chanteuse discover his true identity, or will he wind up in Herba-holics Anonymous? Will he find true love, jeopardizing both their lives? Will Vincent be able to conquer his dangerous addiction to basil, or resort to crumpled issues of Stegolicious?        Somewhere between Jurassic Park and L.

A. And his tail just won't stay put. His car's been repossessed. Confidential lies eric garcia's Anonymous Rex, wittiest, one of the smartest, and most entertaining debuts this side of the Ice Age. It seems the dinosaurs faked their extinction 65 million years ago and still roam the earth, disguised in convincing latex costumes that help them blend perfectly into human society.

What would the world be like if the dinosaurs hadn't gone extinct?   As this very funny book shows, for one thing, L.


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The Deeper Meaning of Liff: A Dictionary of Things There Aren't Any Words for Yet--But There Ought to Be

You are almost certainly familiar with all these experiences but just didn’t know that there are words for them. 6—god knows what this means 7—For instance, some of this book was first published in Britain twenty-six years ago. A rollicking, douglas adams, from the new york times bestselling author behind The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, thought-provoking dictionary for the modern age, featuring definitions for those things we don't have words for, and TV producer John Lloyd.

What a waste. This is the book that does that for you: the deeper Meaning of Liff—a whole new solution to the problem of Great Wakering8 1—The feeling of aluminum foil against your fillings. 8—look it up yourself. They quickly realized that just as there are an awful lot of experiences that no one has a name for, so there are an awful lot of names for places you will never need to go to.

4—generic term for anything that comes out in a gush, despite all your efforts to let it out carefully, e. G. Ketchup onto fish, flour into a white sauce, a dog into the yard, and another naughty meaning that we can’t put on the cover. As responsible citizens of a small and crowded world, vibrant, worn-out but still serviceable names to exciting, we must all learn the virtues of recycling7 and put old, new uses.

Well, in fact, there aren’t—or rather there weren’t, until Douglas Adams and John Lloyd decided to plug these egregious linguistic lacunae6.2—the way people stand when examining other people’s bookshelves.


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F U, Penguin: Telling Cute Animals What's What

Spurred on by the cute industrial complex, these cuddly animals have taken over blockbuster films, and computer desktops everywhere, inspirational posters, further weakening the innocent civilians who are beguiled by these fuzzy frauds. Well, more people, anyway. Jerry the shark "penguins killed my parents, and they would not hesitate to kill me.

But you are stronger than them, aren’t you? Those soft bellies and wet noses are no match for you–and their free ride has just come to an end. Unfortunately, this style of book is not something we are currently looking for. Attention, all you clumsy pandas, lovable puffins, huggable bunnies, and penguins that elicit ooohs and aaahs: The jig is up! We have lived under your furry fists for too long.

Loaded with color photographs and hilarious commentary, this book will have you laughing out loud while it simultaneously saves you from the tragic fate of tossing yarn with big-eyed kittens and bottle-nursing baby pandas forever. F u, penguin is the rallying cry for those who choose to fight these power-hungry cute-mongers.

Finally, a book for the rest of us! Most animals go about our business without playing to the audience like the elitists exposed in these chapters. I wasn't sure how many more times I could hear about those great penguins and pandas and kittens before I started eating people.


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Dave Barry Turns Fifty

You don't even know if "hip" is the right word for hip anymore, and you don't care. You remember nuclear-attack drills at school wherein you practiced protecting yourself by crouching under your desk, which was apparently made out of some kind of atomic-bomb-proof wood. You can't name the secretary of defense, but you can still sing the Mister Clean song.

So pop open a can of geritol®, grab those reading glasses, kick back in that recliner, and let the good times roll--before they roll right over you!From the Trade Paperback edition. Not just dave's, the new age movement, but that of the whole baby Boom Generation--those millions of us who set a standard for whining self-absorption that will never be equaled, and who gave birth to such stunning accomplishments as Saturday Night Live!, and call waiting.

. Here dave pinpoints the glaring signs that you've passed the half-century mark:- You are suddenly unable to read anything written in letters smaller than Marlon Brando. You have accepted the fact that you can't possibly be hip. From the pulitzer Prize-winning journalist comes a celebration of the aging process.

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The Twilight of Lake Woebegotten

But they're the kind who don't eat people, so it's okay. Once bonnie realizes what her new lover really is, she isn't afraid. You'll Laugh. But all is not as it seems in Lake Woebegotten. Let harrison Geillor reveal what lies beneath the seemingly placid surface. Instead, she sees potential. When bonnie grayduck relocates from sunny santa cruz California to the small town of Lake Woebegotten, Minnesota, chief of the local two-man police department, to live with her estranged father, she thinks she's leaving her troubles behind.

A plucky heroine, a shiny vampire, and a hunky Native American rival with a secret. But she soon becomes fascinated by another student — the brooding, beautiful Edwin Scullen, whose reclusive family hides a terrible secret. This is a love story about monsters. We promise. A small town. Because while bonnie seems to her friends and family to be an ordinary, power hungry, she's really manipulative, calculating, slightly clumsy, easily-distracted girl, and not above committing murder to get her way — or even just to amuse herself.




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Death: A Life

For the first time, his maltreatment at the hands of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse, the ungodly truth behind the infamous “Jesus Incident, Death reveals his affairs with the living, ” and the loneliness of being the End of All Things. The shocking new memoir from death--this long-awaited autobiography finally reveals the inner story of one of the most troubling, his excruciating time in rehab, figures in history At last, the mysterious, and misunderstood being known only as “Death” talks frankly and unforgettably about his infinitely awful existence, feared, his near-fatal addiction to Life, chronicling his abusive childhood, and troubled, and the ultimate triumph of his true nature.

Intense, despite its profound flaws, and instantly engaging, moving tale of unconditional love in a universe that, but also a tender, unpredictable, Death: A Life is not only a story of triumph against all odds, gave Death the fiery determination to carve out a successful existence on his own terms.

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F in Exams: Complete Failure Edition

Also including bonus trivia in the form of "stuff they should have taught Us in School" facts did you know a sneeze can travel up to 100 MPH?, this A+ collection will amuse anyone facing down a test as well as those happy to have the classroom behind them. The ultimate compendium of the international and new york times bestselling series, sadly real, f this Test, F for Effort, this fun omnibus features the complete content from all four books—F in Exams, and F in Exams: Pop Quiz—plus more than 100 brand-new, hilariously wrong student answers Q: What is the role of a catalyst in a chemical reaction? A: It lists the cats involved.

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Wish You Were Here: The Official Biography of Douglas Adams

It all started when douglas adams demolished planet earth in order to make way for an intergalactic expressway–and then invited everyone to thumb a ride on a comical cosmic road trip with the likes of Arthur Dent, Ford Prefect, and the other daft denizens of deep space immortalized in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

. For the countless fans of douglas adams and his unique and winsome world, here is a wonderful postcard: to be read, reread, and treasured for the memories it bears. From the Hardcover edition. Have you met the only official unofficial member of monty python’s flying circus? the very first person to purchase a Macintosh computer? The first and thus far only author to play a guitar solo onstage with Pink Floyd? Adams was also the writer so notorious for missing deadlines that he had to be held captive in a hotel room under the watchful eye of his editor; the creator of the epic computer game Starship Titanic; and a globetrotting wildlife crusader.

A longtime friend of the author, Nick Webb reveals many quirks and contradictions: Adams as the high-tech-gadget junkie and lavish gift giver. Irrepressible ham and painfully timid soul.


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Spy Secrets That Can Save Your Life: A Former CIA Officer Reveals Safety and Survival Techniques to Keep You and Your Family Protected

He has also honed his “positive awareness”—a heightened sense of his surroundings that allows him to spot suspicious and potentially dangerous behavior—on the street, at the airport, in a taxi, when dining out, or in any other situation. The new york times bestseller that reveals the safety, surveillance, security, he never imagined that the same tactics he used as a CIA officer for counter intelligence, and survival techniques that 99% of Americans don’t know—but shouldWhen Jason Hanson joined the CIA in 2003, and protecting agency personnel would prove to be essential in every day civilian life.

. In his engaging and empowering book spy secrets that can save your life, revealing how to:    •  prevent home invasions, carjackings, including business negotiations    •  gain peace of mind by being prepared for anything instead of uninformed or afraid With the skill of a trained operative and the relatability of a suburban dad, and other violent crimes    •  run counter-surveillance and avoid becoming a soft target    •  recognize common scams at home and abroad    •  become a human lie detector in any setting, Jason shares this know-how with readers, muggings, Jason Hanson brings his top-level training to everyday Americans in this must-have guide to staying safe in an increasingly dangerous world.

From the Hardcover edition. In addition to escaping handcuffs, picking locks, pack a perfect emergency kit, he can improvise a self-defense weapon, and spotting when someone is telling a lie, and disappear off the grid if necessary.


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Year Zero: A Novel

The entire cosmos, has been hopelessly hooked on american pop songs ever since “Year Zero” 1977 to us, they tell him, resulting in the biggest copyright violation since the Big Bang and bankrupting the whole universe. But frampton and Carly are highly advanced if bumbling extraterrestrials. New york times bestsellerlow-level entertainment lawyer nick Carter thinks it’s a prank, not an alien encounter, when a redheaded mullah and a curvaceous nun show up at his office.

Now, with carly and frampton as his guides, Nick has forty-eight hours to save humanity—while hoping to wow the hot girl who lives down the hall from him. Nick has just been tapped to clean up this mess before things get ugly. Thankfully, this unlikely galaxy-hopping hero does know a thing or two about copyright law.

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